Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
