I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
