do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
