is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
