well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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