his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
