Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
