I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize