Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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