I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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