Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
