I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
soo... how was my night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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