I wanna passion pit in your ass
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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