So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
