3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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