i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Two words: blizzard sex
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
