It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
