woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I intend to get homeless drunk
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
