they need to just BURY HIM!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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