D3 body, D1 cock
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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