I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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