My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
