from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am naked and annoyed.
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