The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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