I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
