did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
