Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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