I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
