Can i not drive my cunt home
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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