No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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