when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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