there's paper in my vomit.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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