The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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