I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
