Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
