I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
