i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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