Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
