4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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