Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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