i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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