We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
