I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I will pee on everything he values.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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