i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
