So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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