she's into porn, im staying here tonight
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
