He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
