Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
