awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
3 2 1 whiskey
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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