For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
