I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
