So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
