I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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