He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
