May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
