New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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