Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
