clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Damn victory sex feels great
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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