Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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