Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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