ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
