yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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