i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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