If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize