dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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