So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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